Dear Madam Ngozi, first of all, I want to commend you for
the good work you are doing on your blog, please keep it up, people are really
appreciating you, including me and my colleagues here.
As a matter of fact, I came across your blog by mistake last
month and ever since I visited it, I had been a fervent follower of your blog
even though I don’t comment.
Now, here is my story- I am a young lady of 25 years, a
graduate and just started working in Lagos recently. I come from the South-East
like you, and I am in a very big marriage mess right now, which is why I am
writing you anonymously to seek for your advice and if you also feel it is okay
to publish my story on your blog, do go ahead too, because I will come back to
see what people have to say.
Unfortunately, I did not meet any serious guy while I was in
the university- you know, Nigerian guys of nowadays just don’t want to be
committed like before, so the only two boyfriends I had weren’t committed and
so our relationships ended just when I was writing my final year project.
I went to service (NYSC), I served in Lagos, and during that
period, I met a guy through introduction, and we began to discuss gradually,
and it happened that the guy was looking for a wife because he lives in Spain.
I was young then and afraid of not getting married, so I didn’t look back when
I said yes to him, hoping that he would take me along to Spain to live with
him, but I was wrong, how?
He was married to a Spanish woman, and it was the woman that
helped him to secure a resident permit, and they also had two kids, which I
only learnt later after he had came to my family for introduction.
We got married, but there was no traditional or white
wedding, just the Umunna marriage rights that he paid for, and also settled my
parents before he travelled back with a promise to come back and wed me
officially, but this is going 1 year plus now to no avail.
Can you imagine, I am married, no intimacy, no full wedding,
no pregnancy, no husband to cuddle me, and in fact, I never loved him because
we never dated, just a marriage agreement.
My ordeal right now is that I want to quit from this
marriage, but I don’t know where and how to start it. I dare not tell my father
this, and my mother is no more, I don’t just know who to run to right now,
please kindly advice me on what to do please. Thanks and stay blessed.
My advice is this- to me, no marriage is existing between you two at the moment, the only thing I see here is official family engagement...so, it is left for you to decide whether to back out from the engagement or not...but why would a man marry a foreign lady and still goes ahead to marry another lady back home, for what? Are the foreign ladies not humans? This is insane to me please....lets wait for other people's response....I pray they respond
ReplyDeleteHe is using you. In other countries its illegal if they found out his visa might be violated and removed. I know in the states he would be deported for lying on his visa application and face big fines maybe even prison which is what he deserves. A year? He asked you under false pretense and lied to you, your family. Why would you want a man who already had another wife? Dont you deserve better than being seconds? My suggestion is you think better of yourself. You deserve better. Someone who will love you exclusively, take care of you. Im not sure why you would even take him when he does return and the reason he is not is because of the wait time on the visa. He just wants a secure wife back home and has no intention of staying with wife number 1. He was just looking for a way out of the country. You are not legally married unless its in the courts in Nigeria anyway. Tribal marriages are not considered legal, only to the tribe. You also can go to his parents and tell them its off because he broke the marriage vows. Are you not Christian? One man,,, one wife. He has never touched you? Who could tolerate such? He has no hold on you other than with his family and that was a lie. Dump him. He has no morals.
ReplyDeleteWhy for goodness sake, are you blaming this Girl????? She does not want a man that has a wife already you idiot. That is why she is asking for help out of this. Stop blaming this girl for this crazy man and his crime on this planet. He should be jailed immediately. In this case, she should be free to resume her life. This is not a contract of Marriage.
ReplyDeleteAs far as i am concern there is no marriage between you both, please if there is show me the certificate. my dear go ahead and marry if you see any one u love.
ReplyDelete