Kris Humphries Lays Claim To Kim Kardashian’s Baby – Wants Joint Custody

Kris Humphries and Kim Kardashian have been separated for more than a year. They split amid heated controversy, but came out the other side unscathed – well, until the court case swings around later this year. (Heather Mills eat your heart out!) There’s also no denying that Kim K is pregnant with Kanye West’s baby. The past versus the present makes for a very, very interesting theory. Read below if you have your head screwed on. Don’t read below if you’re a serial killer – we don’t want you huntin’ us down with a rifle and a Wii remote.

According to a quirky and clever journo at TMZ, “They’ve been separated for more than a year, but that don’t matter much in California, where the husband of a pregnant woman is PRESUMED to be the father.” What this means, boys and girls, is if Humphries decides to be a little bitch and “lay claim to the kid”, Kim K and her handy man-candy, Kanye, have to “present clear and convincing evidence to a judge that Kanye did the dirty.” Now, how would one prove such that Kanye is indeed the father of said Kardash-bun? There’s always paternity tests, polygraph tests, and the good ol’ va-jay-jay peek-a-boo! (Okay, the latter option might only work with Octomom) Alternatively, we could draw a timeline with unicorns and cupcakes and Kim K’s face – almost like they do on America’s Next Top Model when the final six/five travel to an exotic location and their horrid faces are shown in a badly drawn airplane that looks like Dora The Explorer’s pimp-wagon.

Kim K and Kanye were in Rome approximately three months ago, so we presume it was at this time that the baby was conceived. It went something like this – Kim K: “Kanye, look at Italy’s sky! It’s so pretty!” Kanye: “Baby, oh baby, let’s make a baby?” Kim K: “I thought you’d never ask! Mom and the Devil would be so happy.” Kanye: “Did you just say the Devil?” Kim K: “Erm… No? No, no I didn’t.”

Kanye and Kim K, the two stray birds from The Birds, did the nasty shortly thereafter.

Shut the duck up, Humphries. Don’t be all Rosemary’s Baby – that’s so 2012.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet