Sound parenting advice from a mother and psychologist.
This week I saw another in a slew of studies and opinions about how to raise your children. As a mother and a psychologist, I find this trend of battling opinions to be crazy-making fodder for frustrated parents.
There are a few things we know for sure. Don’t abuse your children. Do feed, clothe and shelter them. Beyond that, you can probably find some sketchy opinion or study to back up any position you take on parenting.
So, how do we solve parenting dilemmas like whether to let our babies cry it out, whether to let them sleep in our beds, how to discipline them and so on? Here's an idea: Follow your gut instincts.
I didn't let my babies cry it out. Why? The crying was like a jackhammer in my head, and I was afraid I'd move out if I heard them cry for one more second. So, I picked them up or put them in a swing. Or my husband picked them up, and we loved on them a bit and put them back to bed.
I didn't have my babies sleep in my bed. Why? Because everyone in the bed was sleeping except me, and when mom doesn't sleep, well I think you can imagine what that looks like.
There are some great parenting books and blogs out there, but all of them can't be right for each of us because they are all dramatically different. Parents can read each or any of these with a discerning eye and decide what makes the most sense for you and your family.
What makes your family more peaceful? What style of parenting allows for partner and individual time? Parenting is an exhausting marathon, and we must pace ourselves in a way that saves some energy for those adolescent years.
Sound parenting advice from a mother and psychologist.
But why don't we trust ourselves? First, it seems that there are too many experts telling us what to do, and that what we are doing is a mistake. Suddenly, we become gripped with terror that if we make one wrong move our children will grow up to be the Unabomber. I've observed many parents over the years (including my own) and parenting mistakes of the garden variety will only add some wonderful spice and quirkiness to your child's development.
We need to give our children — and ourselves — a break. There are no perfect parents or perfect children, nor should there be. Functional dysfunction or a six out of ten is the perfect goal for all families. Some days will be better than others, and that is how life goes.
The second reason that I believe leads to parental hand-wringing is the absolutely soul crushing practice of judging and criticizing each other for choosing a different parenting style than ours. Here's my advice to you: Mind your own business! Take care of your family, take care of yourself, grow, learn, laugh, have fun and stop judging others!
Variety in parenting and families is what leads to a wonderful, diverse mix of human beings who all have something to learn from each other. When you are absolutely positive and can prove that your method of parenting is the best, then let us know. Until that time, let's support each other; lend a hand, a kind word and an open mind. Our children will model what we teach them, so let's start with kindness and confidence in our ability to know what's right for our own family.
By Dr. Lisa Kaplin
This week I saw another in a slew of studies and opinions about how to raise your children. As a mother and a psychologist, I find this trend of battling opinions to be crazy-making fodder for frustrated parents.
There are a few things we know for sure. Don’t abuse your children. Do feed, clothe and shelter them. Beyond that, you can probably find some sketchy opinion or study to back up any position you take on parenting.
So, how do we solve parenting dilemmas like whether to let our babies cry it out, whether to let them sleep in our beds, how to discipline them and so on? Here's an idea: Follow your gut instincts.
I didn't let my babies cry it out. Why? The crying was like a jackhammer in my head, and I was afraid I'd move out if I heard them cry for one more second. So, I picked them up or put them in a swing. Or my husband picked them up, and we loved on them a bit and put them back to bed.
I didn't have my babies sleep in my bed. Why? Because everyone in the bed was sleeping except me, and when mom doesn't sleep, well I think you can imagine what that looks like.
There are some great parenting books and blogs out there, but all of them can't be right for each of us because they are all dramatically different. Parents can read each or any of these with a discerning eye and decide what makes the most sense for you and your family.
What makes your family more peaceful? What style of parenting allows for partner and individual time? Parenting is an exhausting marathon, and we must pace ourselves in a way that saves some energy for those adolescent years.
Sound parenting advice from a mother and psychologist.
But why don't we trust ourselves? First, it seems that there are too many experts telling us what to do, and that what we are doing is a mistake. Suddenly, we become gripped with terror that if we make one wrong move our children will grow up to be the Unabomber. I've observed many parents over the years (including my own) and parenting mistakes of the garden variety will only add some wonderful spice and quirkiness to your child's development.
We need to give our children — and ourselves — a break. There are no perfect parents or perfect children, nor should there be. Functional dysfunction or a six out of ten is the perfect goal for all families. Some days will be better than others, and that is how life goes.
The second reason that I believe leads to parental hand-wringing is the absolutely soul crushing practice of judging and criticizing each other for choosing a different parenting style than ours. Here's my advice to you: Mind your own business! Take care of your family, take care of yourself, grow, learn, laugh, have fun and stop judging others!
Variety in parenting and families is what leads to a wonderful, diverse mix of human beings who all have something to learn from each other. When you are absolutely positive and can prove that your method of parenting is the best, then let us know. Until that time, let's support each other; lend a hand, a kind word and an open mind. Our children will model what we teach them, so let's start with kindness and confidence in our ability to know what's right for our own family.
By Dr. Lisa Kaplin
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