It is no
doubt that true love is gradually going into extinction in our today world,
especially in Nigeria. In this article, I am going to examine some of the
factors that have contributed to this disheartening situation.
Everywhere
you go, you hear male folks crying that today ladies are not good, that they
are just after money and material things and not after love, and it keeps
baffling me why a female would choose money in place of love.
Surprisingly,
as the male folks are crying that women of today or will I say women of the 21st
century are bad and after money, the women folks are also crying that men of
today are no longer worth loving, that they are all after sex,
and for this, they call them so many names- dogs, he-goats, and sometimes bastards just to show their anger and frustration over the male folks they had encountered in their lives. But now I ask, which gender is to be blamed- the male or the female? To me, I believe both genders are to be blamed for the gradual disappearance of true love in our today world.
and for this, they call them so many names- dogs, he-goats, and sometimes bastards just to show their anger and frustration over the male folks they had encountered in their lives. But now I ask, which gender is to be blamed- the male or the female? To me, I believe both genders are to be blamed for the gradual disappearance of true love in our today world.
Now I want
to ask you: how do you as a lady expect a man who used his money and material
possessions to convince you to date him, to love you with all his heart? How do
you expect a guy who flaunts his flashy car, jewelry, phone, wrist, and
probably went as far as dishing out money just to get your attention, to
respect and love you when he finally gets you? It is practically difficult for
such a man to love you because deep down his heart, he knows very well that you
only accepted him because of what he has and not because of his ordinary
person.
True love
takes nothing, in fact, most people that love a person genuinely can hardly
point out or single out the reasons why they love the person, but today, a girl
can easily tell you while she is in love with James, and why she is not in love
with Peter, and she still expects to be loved genuinely, says who? Many a
times, you will hear girls saying: oh my gosh, I love this guy so much, he is just
everything a woman desires in life- he spoils me with gifts, treats me like a
queen, take me to shopping, spar, etc…and you will also hear the same girl
saying: that guy is just too dull for my liking, in fact he is classless, can’t
even afford to take me to a good restaurant or even to buy me a handbag, and he
still expects me to love him, over my dead body, God forbid!
Let me share
an experience with you, its about a cousin of mine, she’s pretty and gorgeous,
and there was this guy coming after her, and she kept bluffing the guy, turning
him down with the usual lines: I am hooked, sorry I don’t double date! This guy
made me understand that he was obviously in love with my cousin, and was ready
to do anything he could to make her happy, so I tried talking to my cousin on
his behalf, and here was what my cousin told me: “is it by force to date
someone, tell me? I don’t like the way some guys pester girls just to convince
them to date them, it doesn’t worth it please. If a girl likes you and wants to
date you, she doesn’t need you to pester her before she accepts, just go and
tell your friend to leave me alone please. He isn’t my taste- he is still
job-hunting, not handsome to say, and too dull for my liking so it won’t work
simple!” I wept for the guy even though he wasn’t my friend, but I felt for him
because I myself is a guy and I know some girls too may be saying the same
thing about me behind me someday, we never can tell. So I backed off from
trying to convince my cousin to at least give the guy a chance since I am very
sure the guy likes her and he is truly a quiet and nice guy except the fact
that he has no money.
Weeks later,
I saw my cousin moving with one flashy guy- nice car, smart clothes, cute
looks, etc, and it wasn’t long, she introduced me to the guy, and I wished them
luck, but deep down me, I know it wasn’t gonna last, not because the guy was
flashy and all of that, but because I know that he is a playboy who entices
girls with his money, looks and material possession, and only to dish them out
when he’s done, so I just kept mute.
To my
greatest surprise, their relationship lasted more than I presumed- I met them
together again after four months during my cousin’s birthday party, and the guy
was no doubt introduced as the man of the day, and later my cousin flattered me
with all sorts of good gists about the guy- how he spoils her with money and
gifts, how he had been taking her around places, and also showed me the latest
blackberry phone and stuffs he bought for her as birthday gifts, honestly, I
was flattered.
But
unfortunately, two months after the birthday, they broke up in a devastating
way- she caught the guy red-handed with another girl of higher class, beauty,
etc, and he refused to apologize and rather told my cousin to go to hell for
all he cares. I pitied her because the incident broke her down to the extent
that she tried running away from home because almost all her friends, family,
etc know about her relationship with the guy.
Months on, I
met with my cousin again, and she had recovered from her heart break, and
according to her, have learnt her lesson on relationship, so we ended up in our
usual gist, which didn’t waste time to land us into talking about relationship
and love. As we were busy discussing, she chipped in this statement: “Ng, I saw
that your quiet friend one day,” I didn’t get her, so I replied “which of my
quiet friends?” “the one you know of course,” she replied laughing, “I don’t
still get you, be specific nne,” “okay, okay, the one begging to be…” without
letting her exhaust the words on her lips, I jumped in, “oh oh, so how’s he?”
“why are you asking me? I only saw her sha, he wasn’t looking bad anyway,” she
rolled her bamby eyes, “as in?” I pretended not to understand so that she would
spill out her mind, “I meant that he is now looking handsome and kinda new
seriously, what happened to him?” I couldn’t hold it but burst into laughter to
her greatest amazement.
Finally, I
later discovered that the guy she was talking about had finally secured a job
with one of the blue chip companies in town, and was now living big. When I
discovered this, I felt more frustrated than before- I never knew that my own
sister was also into greed, into accepting guys because of their monetary and
material possessions despite the fact that her parents are rich and do provide
her with virtually everything she needed. This baffled me even as I write this.
To shorten
the whole story, let me summarize some of the reasons why true love is going
into gradual extinction in today world, especially in Nigeria:
21st Century Women Accept Only Alpha Males
What I mean
by alpha males in this contest are guys with enough monetary and material
possessions. In the past, women accepted men just for whom they are, if not,
most of our fathers wouldn’t have been able to find a deserving wife, because
most were so poor they could hardly afford to buy their lovers an earring then,
but still, their female lovers stuck with them and most ended up becoming
personalities, timbers and calibers that we all know and hear today. But the
case is different today; girls now accept guys based on how much money they
have, the kind of car they drive and the kind of clothes they wear, and they
still expect to be genuinely loved by men, how?
Now, for the fact that today girls accept
mostly alpha males, and for the fact that there are only few alpha males in
Nigeria for instance, the ever increasing number of girls in Nigeria keep
clustering around the few alpha males in Nigeria, and as we all know about the
law of demand and supply, the few alpha males now see themselves as gods over
women because they know that virtually all Nigerian women want them by all
means, so they end up acquiring as many girls as possible without having to
worry about loving them.
Remember,
this few alpha males have friends and relatives who are either alpha males and
majority of non-alpha males, and these non-alpha males are watching and seeing
how their alpha male friends and relatives are moving with different females of
all social class and status, while they the non-alpha males are wallowing in
total loneliness without even a single girl to call their own, and in the
process of watching this scene, they develop dispassion and biased mind over
all women in general, and they end up forming this belief that all women are
after money and material gains.
In the
process, when some of these non-alpha males attain the alpha male status with
time, they end up doing the same thing the alpha males had been doing because
they have no other regard or respect for all women in general and so they end
up not loving any woman again even in marriage. This is one major reason
cheating amongst single and married men is skyrocketing by the day, and can
hardly stop unless women have a rethink and start to act like their mothers and
grandmothers which is obviously impossible for now.
Majority of men are after sex
Men haven
discovered that majority of women want them and only accept to date them based
on their financial power, have developed the mentality of no-sex no-relationship.
And as we all know, any relationship built just around sex, can hardly be true
love.
Media Promotion
Our today
media has gone a long way in destroying true love in relationships and
marriages, especially in Nigeria. Sex is now being promoted on musical videos,
home movies, media adverts, etc, which is having a negative influence on how
youths view relationship and marriage.
Also, how
our today media promotes the role of money, fame and material possessions in
relationships and marriages is really so appalling. It has made almost every
youth to believe that money is equal to love, and that without money love
cannot exist, which is also affecting our level of corruption and almost
everything in Nigeria. We need a total medial sensitization and re-orientation
to change things in this nation called Nigeria.
Maternal Roles
Today
mothers in Nigeria have also contributed negatively in destroying true love in
Nigerian relationships and marriages. It is so disheartening how a mother will
go ahead and be forewarning her daughters never to date a poor guy, or say a
guy that isn’t driving a car. They also play this negative role in deciding who
their daughters marry.
To give you a clearer view of what I am talking about, kindly click on this link: http://www.nairaland.com/1093588/being-man-he-builds-himself and enjoy yourself.
We shall
continue with this versed topic soon, but for now, stay blessed.
© 2012 Ngozika
Nwiro. All rights reserved.
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